Momzilla's household has recently discovered the amazing programming on Showtime. Thanks to Momzilla's infinitely hip siblings and the TV-to-DVD phenomenon, Momzilla and Dadthra have been able to catch up on Weeds just in time for Season 3 to start. Momzilla and Dadthra also had the distinct pleasure of viewing the premiere of Californication. The writing is outstanding on both series, but Momzilla is deeply disturbed...by the hideously overdone eye makeup featured on the pilot episodes of both otherwise-brilliant programs.
In mulling over this stylistic catastrophe, it occurred to Momzilla that perhaps Showtime, in a budget-saving move, hires less-experienced makeup artists (who have never previously applied makeup to a human being outside of the pageant circuit) for the pilot episodes of new series. It further occurred to Momzilla that this could be a niche career for the entire Momzilla species.
You see, so many Momzillas in the world appear in public in a shamelessly barefaced state. ("Good for them, bless their hearts...") Yet, they are in fiendish control over their children's skating competition and/or skating show and/or dance recital makeup, which is why little MacKenzie has just a teensy vision problem owing to the repeated assaults of glitter eyeliner on her corneas.
This television-fueled epiphany opened my awareness to the full tragedy of the Momzilla-as-Makeup-Artist situation, but also gave me hope. You see, as television series progress, the makeup application typically becomes less garish, allowing the viewer to focus on the program and not on wondering if bad eye makeup could cause seizures just like Mary Hart's voice. Perhaps, too, the Momzilla makeup gets better with age...that is, the age of the child.
I will be keeping my (well-smudged minimally smoky) eyes out to explore this theory that the makeup gets better as the kids get older and Momzillas either become more proficient at, or banished from, the cosmetics table. Already in this exploration, it occurs to me that there is a decided absence of glitter eyeliner among older skaters. [Insert sigh of relief.]
That is, until the appearance of the adult skater [Insert sigh of resignation], and the application of Swarovski facial adornments.... But you can hardly blame that on Momzilla. Adult skating is a different situation entirely...from head to toe. (See Dressing Momzilla)